Open your eyes.

Hey strangers! I feel this is now an appropriate term of address for anyone who reads my blog, as clearly I'm not efficient with my posts. I'll try to get better. Promise.

Anyway, the past few days for me have been...odd. I don't exactly know how else to describe it other than I think I may be having an existential crisis. Lately I've just been questioning my life's purpose. Because I want my life to mean something, I want to achieve great things and I want people to talk about whatever I create for years to come. Not because I want to be remembered, but because I want what I produce to make people happy. And I want to give the lost some hope.

Already the world has produced so many beautiful pieces of art, in the form of music, novels, videos and quotes. I know I can probably never top the inspiration we have already in this world, because we are so so lucky. But I'd like to try. I believe writing is my calling, and it has the potential to develop our universe simply by opening our minds and imaginations to encompass fresh thought. So I want to change things, line by line. 

I don't quite know how to overcome the existential obstacle yet, but I'm trying.

I'm just reaching for a greater something.  

"Take to the sky, open up your eyes and see how far you get in just one day." - Mighty Oaks

Summer in the City 2013!

Now, where do I begin? After the build-up over the last few months, I wasn't entirely prepared for the weekend that just took place. It put a lot of things into perspective for me; it gave me an experience I'll never forget, and inspired me to reach out for my desires, as cliché as that may sound.

For those who aren't aware, Summer in The City is a YouTube convention held in London, this year being its 5th anniversary, and is the largest in the world (excluding Vidcon) the event offers YouTube creators and viewers the opportunity to attend panel's, mainstage events and meet and greets with favourite youtubers, as well as collaborating opportunities with other creators, and an events room purely for entertainment purpose: probably my favourite room considering the free smoothies, photobooth and beanbags to collapse on!

This being my first year, I didn't know what to expect. But what I know now is that it exceeded all expectations. The strong community feel throughout the entire weekend was wondrous to behold: it really is unusual how an online platform such as YouTube can engage and unite so many. No matter who we were, no matter our background, we each held similar interests and that's what brought us all together.

My personal highlight had to be the Becoming Youtube panel alongside a Collaboration Panel in the Panorama Room. Both were hugely insightful and motivational, as for a long time I have adopted a passive stance regarding 'video creation' for many reasons. 

• Confidence: from past experience myself and others undertook what TomSka refers to as 'actoring,' putting on a persona for filming purposes, which is exaggerated and overly-enthusiastic. *Cheesy* and *Embarrassing* are some of the words that spring to mind...

• I'm also 'put off' by the idea aspect. It may sound odd, but having one creative idea would really discourage me. Simply because it would only be one idea. Because after that idea is created and developed, expectation would be high and matching that expectation would be an intense pressure, especially if you're not feeling inspired and don't want to disappoint.

• Audience response: for me it's not numbers that are most important, but reaction. I'd prefer to have 1 person watching and liking, than 1000 disliking. So again I'd feel pressure and want people to enjoy my content.

All of these issues were thoroughly addressed during these panels and other events, and successfully did inspire me to pursue a YouTube path: something I have always had a keen interest in. KickThePj was particularly helpful with 'creative block', and Benjamin Cook with audience response and confidence. 

When Sunday evening events concluded, I'd never experienced such overwhelming emotion - I was genuinely so upset it had finished! Hank Green had just performed and the crowd was thriving. Then came the 'Thankyou" chant to the organisers. 5 brilliant YouTubers who had put so much time and effort into the weekend. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank them all personally, as without them none of it could have been possible. I'm not sure what I can say other than if the weekend overwhelmed me, goodness knows what they felt.

I attended this year in search of motivation, inspiration and idea. I returned with so much more than that. I do aspire to create videos in the near future, but I'm not sure I've found my creative area of expertise yet and I will not upload until I am completely 100% happy. Goodness knows how long that'll take...

Until next time!

"Cause life's a game to me, but with only one controller. And he's unhappy

So please, please, please, won't you join me

Until the very end

It's adventure time again."

-BriBry

'The Mill'

Well...it's been a while. I'd apologise and explain but there's really no excuse. Instead I wanted to tell you all about a filming set I'd been working on in the February/March months of this year. The first episode in the four-part drama aired tonight, so I thought this post would be appropriate. A period drama, set in Cheshire, England in the 1800s follows the story of apprentices and their place in the industrial revolution.

Filming on the set of 'The Mill.'

It was incredible fun to work on, and having previous experience on other film sets with various crews, I have to say the crew were absolutely lovely and everyone we worked with were so friendly, professional yet welcoming. Lets just say it was a healthy balance of work and play - not like the real apprentices back in the day - I feel for them, it was cold in rags!

Quarry Bank Mill, Cheshire. Designed to look again like the 1800s.

It really is an odd feeling when you realise that the scenes you are creating actually did happen over 200 years ago, in the same place you are re-enacting them. It feels almost as though we are bringing these people back to life somehow, in the form of film. And it was truly fascinating learning about the lives of the young apprentices: walking their footsteps down the mill's cobbled streets, accompanying straw-filled beds they themselves were accustomed to alongside realistic costume - you really do appreciate how cold they were when all you have to wear is a limp nightdress and shawl for the dormitory scenes!

Night-time filming at Quarry Bank. An early start for the apprentices!

For me, the experience was incredible and I'm so glad I said yes to such an amazing opportunity. One of my resolutions this year was to say yes to more and through these I do feel I've achieved something. I met some inspirational people, made some fantastic friends and learnt a lot!

Apprentices, Red Jack, Purple Jack and the lovely Debbie from make-up!

If you fancy taking a look at the final product, or you're interested in something that opposes the upper-class period drama 'Downton Abbey,' 'The Mill' continues on Channel 4 next Sunday at 8pm. Check it out!

Harry Potter

It just occured to me that I haven't actually written a post about my trip to the Harry Potter Studios last month: which, I have to say, was hands down one of the favourite memories of my life so far.

Having grown up mesmerized by the books and transfixed by the films, I always felt a sense of belonging in the world of Harry Potter. I don't know if JK did this on purpose because of the loneliness and burdens she was feeling at the time of writing, but either way she developed something that evoked comfort and a place to escape for millions of readers, whether they were seeking these things or not. It helped.

Because of the connection I had to the narrative, I was always avid and overly-determined in getting my parents to take me to the sets, so I could explore the world physically after doing so both mentally and emotionally. When I was around eight years old, my family finally took me to a castle in Northumberland where scenes from the first and second movies were filmed. A very unusual coincidence was that we bumped into JK Rowling herself just outside of the castle when we arrived. (She was visiting the set as they were still filming on occasional days) I don't remember saying much because I was so young, but I remember her smiling a lot and me staring at her, speechless. She was lovely. I also remember being severely disappointed that the staircases didn't move, but I reminded myself that imagination is the source of extraordinary power.

It was a truly wonderful experience, and definitely made me feel happier than I have ever felt. When it comes to pleasure, warmth, happiness and that 'fuzzy feeling' inside, I'm very difficult to please. But this was different. This was easy. It was also the time when I first learnt to ride a bike! This may seem off topic, but I was adamant that the magic from the castle helped me to obtain this skill. (And I still believe that theory secretly!)

I digress: The Studio Tour! Indescribable. I had to wait a little longer than other 'Potterheads' because it was difficult to get to Leavesden Studios considering I live in the Northwest of England. But the opportunity arose and I couldn't say no. I was astonished at the detail that went into each and every set; props and iconography that you probably wouldn't have even noticed in the films. Amazing. We were only there for five hours, but I would have spent longer - there was so much to see. I just didn't want to leave.

I also learnt so much - I thought I knew everything about the Harry Potter films: I knew the films off by heart and re-read the books so much I've lost count! And yet here I was learning 1000 new things...that's something I love about the series, that no matter how many times you read the books or watch the films, there's always something new to discover. Just like the real magical world.

It seems that I've wandered off on a slight tangent in this post. Maybe I'll write another one soon with more emphasis on the actual warner bros studio tour. With pictures. We'll see.

Speak to you soon.

Bangor University!

It seems I'm not able to stick to a regular posting schedule on blogger...I do apologise. But life, love and laughter is random, so I guess my posts are irregular on purpose. That's what I'll use as my excuse anyway.

So, what's occurring? I explored the depths of Bangor town and University on Saturday; it's a beautiful little town and the campus buildings itself hold hidden stories, I can tell. I think the other universities have a lot to live up to after witnessing Bangor's idyllic setting and historical structures - it seems perfect for the course I wish to take (Creative Writing and Media Studies) as the entire town makes me feel inspired and I just want to write and create and write and create and write and create!

On another note, the lecturer at Bangor told me I have to submit a small portfolio of creative work when applying for my particular course. I've been writing short stories and opinion pieces for a while now, so I thought I'd try something different as practice and so I attempted a bit of poetry. It's only a rough draft so it's not perfect. But I hope you like it!

The Girl In The Window

There's a girl who sits in her window

All day, every day

I watch her when I can from mine

She seems lonely, but not quite

I thought she glimpsed me once or twice

But I can never be so sure

And when she did I could've sworn

A small smile appeared

She always carrys paper and pen

On the ledge she stays

I guessed to write down happy thoughts

To keep from her dismay

I thought about what she would write

In the hours she spent alone

Stories and tales of happier times

And adventures yet to come

I thought about her happiness

If she felt it, ever

The infinite feeling, an unstoppable force

Controlling the sun, moon and earth

I then explored her dark days

And how her thoughts would change

Whether she simply waited for light

Or let the oceans take her away

I haven't seen her for a while

Maybe she got scared

Her father was not a nice man

I hid when he appeared

Sometimes that was not enough

I could always hear the cries 

I wanted  to stop it but somehow

Didn't have the courage

I read and read to understand 

Why she disappeared

Each book taught me something new

And I almost felt better, almost

I hoped and prayed for her sake

That she was okay over there

For maybe it was better that I

Could not see her anymore

There's a girl who lies beneath her window

Once lonely, now at peace

I smiled for I knew

She loved it where she was

I read a brilliant book once

And there it was, this one page

About mirrors and windows and reflections

And how they are easily mistaken.

Anger.

Arguments. Are they helpful, or just adding fuel to a roaring fire? Do they actually solve anything? I believe not. I think there's a lot more to life than confrontation. I can't explain it properly. But to me it feels like the end result of any dispute is anger. Whether the participants of the argument are forgiven or not, we're still left with that little spark of irritability. Which I don't believe goes anywhere, ever. Lying within us is a little charge of energy caused by the conflict. Picture it how you may: I see a pyramid of emotions built up slowly over time. These can be any emotions. One by one, as events in our lives occur, a tiny piece of our current mental state is added to the pile. But anger, this is a dangerous addition to the pyramid's natural, harmonious nature. Anger, hatred, and aggression are all particles vibrating with an ominous kind of energy, and when added to the build-up of our emotion, they will react with unstoppable force and have an effect difficult to repair. The anger will forever leave a little indentation within our memory. It may be covered up, smoothed over - apologies and resolutions may be offered - but it is still there. And will forever be.

Just a little something to think about.

Do I, Don't I?

I did it. I finally gave in and signed up to this. I've been thinking about it for a while: A place to freely express my thoughts, share my memories and experience, and watch myself grow, as a person, over time. An official, unofficial online journal. 

How could I say no, really?